Some things on my mind

     Today I woke up to rain. Some people might say 'blah' or 'man, I hate this' but rain is a plus for me. Oddly enough, it gives me energy which is a rare and much coveted feeling. Today is Friday and that doesn't do much for me as I haven't been required to go to work for nearly 8 months. Hold on; don’t start wishing you were me- it’s been an internal battle. 

     I relocated 1000 miles from where I was bred, born and raised and started over with new house, new city and no friends. Honestly, it’s what I wanted. I wanted to move away and see what else the world had to offer. I have made a friend or maybe 2 and have been able to do as I wished. It has been bittersweet. I like having the flexibility of the SAHM but because I always worked outside the home the transition has been frustrating. I had made plans to clean on this day, sleep late the next, go to the bookstore and sit all day reading books and sipping coffee and bake and prepare wonderful meals for my family. PLANNED!!!! 

     The operative word there is PLANNED. Sigh, I do cook, and clean, and sleep and....well just like I did when I worked 40+ hours a week. I am no better at what I did before. MY brain feels mushy and I feel like I am getting dumber. I read Bloomberg business and crave to go back to work. 

     "Get a job" you say, well, hello, it isn't always that easy. I started a Mary Kay business 1 year ago and have enjoyed it very much. I'm a strong starter and a sorry finisher.So although I took off like a rocket ship I slowed down like a broke pinto that cranks maybe after some serious tweaking and maintenance only to be cold the next day! 

Agh, where is that entrepreneur spirit plus finish what you start attitude? I need it!! I'm not positive I ever really had it though. About 2 weeks ago I did an online interview for a staffing company. The deal was that the company would provide me with actual available jobs and I would recruit candidates and be paid commission upon hiring. I was excited and pursued this with force. Yesterday I confirmed it was a scam. I paid association fees in return for legitimate jobs and although I have been (unsuccessfully) communicating to get my money-back, I have not. This adds to my frustration of being at home and not gainfully employed. I can honestly say I have never been scammed until now.

     Hobbies? Clubs? Volunteer? Make new friends? Yeah yeah.... I need to work! I joined a bible study, that’s on Wednesday's, I am enjoying that but no budding friendships have aspired. I volunteered to volunteer at the elementary school and they give me a whopping 45 minutes a week.... I made a wreath, it was fun but think I spent more money on it than would have cost to buy it. 

     Perhaps working outside the home is what I should do. Even my children seemed happier when I would come in at 5:30 all worn out... too worn out to fuss and micro manage. I am frustrated with the events. My mother says if you do not change what you are doing that you will get the same results. I want to say I have made an effort. Honestly, I just don’t know what it is that I SHOULD be doing. I know my strengths and weakness' and one weakness is being a happy, successful unemployed SAHM.