Worrying late at night, not me, yes ME!

Yesterday, I watched Hooda and Kathy Lee while I folded clothes and they did a spot where parents polled stressed over things so much at night that they couldn't sleep. For example, some parents were concerned their baby might die of SIDS or possibly love their caregiver more than the parent. I thought to myself that those were real concerns but not ones to keep you awake at night. I went through my day and it was mostly uneventful and semi-productive but as the time drew close to slumber I realized that I had just spent the last half-hour or 45 minutes discussing a very alarming matter with my eldest child, therefore putting me into a state of non-sleep.

We spoke of the issue very candidly and broke my heart to hear what the girl(s) in her 7th grade class had said about her. Isabel is my oldest daughter, 13.5, and almost always refuses help. She is very independent and seeks to address, handle and conquer her own issues; like me. It is rare we speak and she asks for my help although I'm ALWAYS obliged to offer it. 

 Without too many details I will only say that rumors and lies from jealousy, ignorance or whatever else are the underlying causes are, cruel and unfair. I use the word unfair cautiously because I am the first person to say "get over it, life isn't fair!" However, in the case of rumors to the degree in which they have been spoken are just that-UNFAIR. I worried that the school environment isn't conducive to her academic, social or personal development. I worry that the anxiety she experiences will affect her more negatively. I even went as far to tell her I would pull her from the school and into home-school or private school. She resisted me here and states that she wants to press through. I said these things from concern, fear and worry. I truly do not know where to go. We continued talking about ignoring the rumors, not being defensive but simply stating that they are in fact lies. I didn't read the parenting handbook, which I noted in my first post so here I am again, for the umpteenth time it seems, unsure of how to proceed. 

I wasn't sure what this blog would be about and I don't want all of my postings to be rants about my children but if you are a parent then possibly that could be the basis of most of your thoughts. I think back to when I was her age and try to recall situations where I was abused or was I the abuser. I recall times when I wasn't a nice girl and told things I had heard and never considered the truth or how someone else might be affected. I was simply repeating the ‘information’. I do realize that gossiping isn't a new topic and will always persist but I want to be sure I am doing ‘my best’ as a parent to protect my child(ren). I will be monitoring the situation and praying that God will protect her when I cannot. 

Obviously I didn't read the how-to-be-a-parent how-to book

     Tonight, like many others, I find myself perplexed and stressed over what should be a simple routine. Bedtime. I thought that infants and toddlers were difficult. I swore that preschoolers and nap-times would be the death of me. I knew if I held out from all those long nights of reading stories, going to the bathroom, getting glasses of water and lying down 'just for a minute' that I'd have it made. . .err, NOT!

     The teen and preteens in our house are just as difficult if not more so. Nightly I hear the same ole same ole. There isn't many nights when I don't hear just one more question. IN fact, even the "I love you mama" becomes stressful when its repeated by three children four or more times over a course of a half hour all in a simple ploy to delay the silence that precedes slumber. I cannot imagine that this will become easier. Sigh.

      I have opted to modify our routine from a more structured (supposedly)  process to a more lenient one. The new routine includes going into the bedrooms at the previous bedtimes and allowing the children to stay up as long as they do not exit the room. The question and answer session have ceased. I am refusing to engage. This will be most difficult on my part. The requirements are no electronics of any sort(no radio until lights are out), no talking ( including questions) and  no leaving the room. The new routine also requires that ALL h.w., chores and personal matters must be taken care of prior to the non-bedtime bedtime. The consequences for not following the rules is not having free time the next day which is very import to the two youngest. I'm not quite sure what consequence would best suit my 13 yo.

So here is how it went:

Child 3 (the 11 yo boy)- in room a few minutes past the designated time(8:30, he had a church activity that ran over) but then followed rules until he called me in to say good night when he got into the bed at 9. I told him I was not coming and to be quiet but would come later. I went to him about 10 minutes later.
 Child 2 (a 12 yo girl)- I caught her discussing her attire with her sister 15 minutes after set bedtime and took her back into her room and explained she wasn't to leave and she would lose the next day's privileges. She went back in and I didn't have any issue after that. She was in the bed about 9:15.
Child 3 (13 yo girl)- Her time is 9pm. She exceeded her time by a few minutes although she knew since 3:30 today what would be occurring. She had the most time to prepare as the other two had church activities and she did not. She made her way into the room and after several more minutes she was talking and I reminded her again.

The lights are out, the radio is on and I hear no talking' its 9:41. I have been known to not have anyone quiet at this time even after beginning at 8:30!